“Paying for sex is a crime.”
“Paying for sex is better than dating.”
I began to google ” Paying for sex” and these were the top searches I found on the search engine before completing my sentence. Why is it a crime though ? Why is there such a huge gap between people who are willing to pay for an experience versus those who would rather work for it ? Well .. People pay for convienece. Whenever we’re given access to convenience most of the time we would choose the easiest way to get what we want.
This only works for people who have access to disposable wealth. Traditionally it’s rich white men who are more than willing to supply beautiful women with money in exchange for their time but black men pay too. We’re just not there yet to speak about it openly but they pay. Sometimes in times of need, people are willing to pay for convenience when they’re looking for the fastest way to feel pleased and validated. As women, we do a very good job at helping men feel more secure within themselves because of our intuitive nature. We can easily help boost the ego or dominate the ego within seconds. Hence why there are more female sex workers in the industry, that are on TOP 😉
During the quarantine, numerous people began to discover their authentic selves, whether it was their toxic traits, taking accountability, or healing their childhood trauma. This time inside forced us to see ourselves in our true form. At the top of the pandemic in 2020, there was an immense amount of people who fled into sex work as a way to make an extra source of income. As time progressed, the leading platforms such as OnlyFans, Cam Soda, and MFC which allows everyday SWers to network and make income for themselves grew bigger and bigger to the point where our “favorite celebrities” took the liberty to jump on the band wagon to shake a little ass as well. They used their following to capitalize on a fast growing platform that allows you to make money per subscription + tips. This new trend began to create a disconnect between those who were exploring for their personal sexual desires and those who were gaining power based on the temporary validation in exchange for money. The money aspect is great, it has to be one of the most liberating ways to make money within this time period, BUT it can also very limiting.
Men value sex over emotions because emotions makes them look invalid in society. Having to deal with always being tough, strong, and ethical is sometimes challenging for them. They find their escape from reality in a sexual way and sometimes the things they truly desire aren’t traditional ways of seduction. The majority of men that pays for sex are into paying for a discreet and consistent person who’s able to please them without any strings attached. So yes, paying for sex is extremely easy compared to dating. Dating consists of alittle more digging for more than what’s on the surface. They don’t want to know your favorite color, they want to nut.
Often times, men would rather not have to deal with the maze of navigating someone from the core. Although they’re looking to pay for an experience that strokes their ego, I think the woman should be allowed to name her price for her time + the emotions that comes with the experience. Sex is nowhere near surface level but it can be. Despite wanting to pay for an easy going experience, it will always be an energy exchange that you will always pay for; somehow.
In 2018, I began to explore a different part of myself as a cam model and became Venus. Venus is my alter ego who is confident, sexy and super nurturing. She also knows how to set boundaries to stay secure in her being but her super power was to heal others from inside out. Once she began to thrive online she began to gain “clientele” who would religiously engage in her random rants/ topics of conversation or for a quick tease before requesting to pay her to video chat them privately. She was showered in tokens, cash app deposits and gifts from Amazon wishlist. It helped her to understand that in order to obtain these things she will always have to put aside personal emotions or challenges to make her money.
I began to feel very empowered by having the ability to make money by using my mind and body but with having to deal with so many people who felt entitled to my time all the time it became less and less empowering. I feel like the empowerment comes from the ability to gain new money, new viewers, new followers, and new looks. But I began loosing power once I lost a sense of my true self. The girl that enjoys going to the park and spending time in nature, the one that loves to write, travel, and loved life. I thought being myself was being hyper sexual after a while but it wasn’t who I solely was. I was being offered to do things that were out of my comfort zone like “free” trips here and there to meet strange men that were willing to “take care of me”, along with offers to “collab” and make porn with other performers. One of my vows to self was to enjoy this chapter of my life and make it my own.
I never wanted to become famous or exploit my essence for temporary validation from strangers. At first it sounds like a good idea for business but I was very conscious of my energy within this space and I didn’t want to use it for shit that I’ll probably regret later on. Everyone has their limits, others don’t care about what happens because they’re solely focused on the money. The offers came at me quickly but I was never fond of the idea. Also my safety is top tier lol. I refuse to put myself in a predicament to possibly not return home in exchange for money because SWers are often times very disposable to men in power or treated very poorly if you’re not firm in your intentions and boundaries. Along with the offers, I noticed that the commentary about my body no longer phased me. Like how many times do I need to know how good my ass and titties look, I realized it was no longer feeding my ego. I love being admired for my mind and the energy I exude naturally. I no longer cared to be validated by men that relied on me to ejaculate on a daily basis because there’s more to life than what your body can do.
One thing I’ve learned is that if you haven’t built a knowing of self prior or during the exploration process, it’s probably going to be hard to break away from the fantasy lifestyle. It’s somewhat of an alter ego that you learn to embody overtime but I personally desire simply being the Demi goddess that I am. Behind the glam, the amazing orgasms, and the fun experiences you may encounter, we often forget the gist behind why we chose this line of work. I’ve always been very focused on enjoying myself but I always came across men who were going through things in their marriage or within their relationships and they confided in me to somewhat feel better. I was not only a cam girl, I was also a therapist, their little secret, or the ” Fun girl”. But like who the fuck was my therapist ? My REAL friends, God, and my diary. At the time, I wasn’t even making enough money to afford a therapist even if I wanted to because the amount of money I was paid to be on cam or making content was extremely low. It was a challenge to make a living based on the money being provided and to afford mental care. Women are often times used as the human outlet for men to confide and indulge in their true pleasures meanwhile we’re often times not compensated for the amount of work that’s actually being put into sexWORK. It’s definitely work because if you don’t show up, you will not get paid unless you secured a trick. I was blessed to do so in order to compensate for my lack of interest in working harder to make more money. I grew tired of possibly being online for hours engaging just to make pocket change. You’ll have a better chance making more money providing the “ girlfriend experience” rather than Caming which consists of alot of screen time and finding other ways of making money in between. There are millions of other women that are ready and willing to work and they’re accessible via twitter, only fans, instagram, you name it.
There were times when I needed someone to understand when I was too sad or in too much pain to be online but “I needed the money”.These people did not care about what I had going on because it was mainly about them. I was only compensated when I was present and available for them. It’s somewhat like a no call no show, when you don’t get paid and your boss doesn’t give a shit about what was actually happening because their concern is getting the job done. Within my time entertaining men online for money, I’ve built very short lived relationships that didn’t help me balance my real life and work because within my real life I am extremely nurturing, flexible, and at peace. In this industry it’s about you finding innovative ways to be sexy but I ran out of fucks to please the masses. I remember getting my first check and I was super excited to get better at caming so I can meet the top cam girls scores but there was always something prohibiting me from progressing within this industry and I think it was only supposed to serve as a extra stream of income so I can move out of survival mode. But to see the amount of money you can make from the comfort of your home just being you can really boost your ego to the max!
After realizing where my heart resides, I took an exit from the community to find a new life that I truly desired.
Somewhere I can be loved by someone who sees me outside of this realm.
Somewhere I can be at peace without having to be front stage to exude this feeling.
Somewhere I’m allowed to be free from being viewed as one person because I am multidimensional.
Somewhere that I can simply live and make a steady income that allows me to be free and as creative as I wish to be.
Things I learned during Sex Work
Know yourself; Know your worth.
Have fun until it’s no longer fun.
You’re not limited to one version of self.
Say no and vocalize when you’re uncomfortable.
It’s okay to be sexy, it doesn’t have to be for anyone but you.
Secure the parts of self that feels insignificant in your life .
It is okay to do what’s best for you.