val·i·da·tion/ˌvaləˈdāSH(ə)n/ – the action of checking or proving the validity or accuracy of something.
“𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏; 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚜.” -Confucius 🕊
As a child I’ve been given report cards, progress reports, rewards, and other forms of validation that allowed my mom to keep track of my progression while I was in school. I remember having to hide my report card when I KNEW I been fucking up all semester. Especially in math and science. Instead of building my confidence in these areas or accepting the fact that I’ll probably never be good at it, I felt stupid for not processing the information in these areas due to the harsh punishments I dealt with. I was conditioned to please those who looked to me to perform well as if I was a some sort of a puppet although my home life was extremely chaotic. As I’ve grown older, I’ve broken away from pleasing others by simply not conforming or trying to fit into the expectation that is being projected on to me. As a child your duty is to respect and please your elders, as an adult your duty is to respect and please yourself. This includes your values, your time, and personal interest. This will cause others who “know you” to somewhat feel uncomfortable with your decisions because they’re not a main factor in how you live. It takes will, it takes confidence, it takes a knowing of self to life without feeling bad for being you. I was never into math and science because it wasn’t what I saw myself doing in the future. I excelled in art and writing classes to the point where I built loving relationships with my teachers who put in the work to make sure that I learned all I needed to know in those areas. My art and writing mentors were regular teachers at my school and they’ve has helped me build so much character within these areas of interest. Being a creative being allows you to discover your unusual self that others may not understand, that is totally okay. Those that truly overstands you, will gravitate to you to help you grow, they’ll help you plant more seeds so that you’re able to pick from your garden of greatness at your leisure. External validation matters less once you’ve build a community of people who love and embrace you in your natural form, this can apply in so many different ways in your everyday life.
Break free from looking outside of yourself to be accepted. A lot of those who aren’t able to receive or nurture you as you are, may struggle with embracing their true desires as well. I think some of us get older and some of us grow up without evolving from the idea of people pleasing. Getting older simply means that you have not made any strides to pave your own way to be free of seeking validation, but once you GROW UP you learn that everyone is out here trying to hide behind a mask ( no pun intended). I love coming across adults who allows their inner child to run wild no matter what age they are. It’s so freeing being who you are no matter what people are going to think about you.