There was once a time when I thought it was cute being accessible to men that didn’t have much to bring to the table. I thought that one day maybe they’ll be able to provide what was needed in order to be with me. And to be clear, the table needs more than money, It also needs stability and a safe space to be grounded (Home). I find it interesting that every time someone from my past decides to circle the block, they’re exactly where I left them. There’s not much that has changed with them because they have yet to realize that their looks will only take them ever so far with a woman with substance. I’ve taken the time to really get to know myself and it took me being honest with my decisions in my personal and dating life. I’m not even going to lie it really humbled me, especially when I realized that I was at fault for entertaining bullshit from men that seen that I was in need of help financially because I already had the ambition to be who I wanted to be, all I was missing is the capital. I know many women take pride in not wanting money from men, not me but I hope ya’ll doing well ! I refuse to be with someone that doesn’t elevate my life even if it means taking a bill off my hands. I’m no longer a child seeking financial help from my parents and I’m also not going to suffer while giving my mind, body, and soul to a man .. for free. I use to be that girl and honestly, it didn’t pay off. ” I’m just being nice” or audition pussy only benefits one person, the man. While you sit there in your feelings wondering why he doesn’t respect you, well it’s because you made it easy for him to get to his goal. Men like alittle challenge, so allow them to work for your attention. Once you set the tone for what you want and the things you NEED to achieve, you’ll gain more respect for utilizing his masculine energy for things that truly matter to you.
As a woman it is your responsibility to be clear of what is needed for you to feel fulfilled when you are dealing with a man. It will help you to distinguish the difference between a man and a little ass boy. Age doesn’t equate to maturity so don’t ever be fooled by the fact that a man is in his 30s with the good job and the nice car bitch, that means NOTHING. I remember dating this guy that only lasted a few days in my book because God is really always on my side ALWAYS. I was 18, and this 30 year old guy pulled up in this BMW truck making it seem as if it was his shit. He invited me to his house the same week and I fell for the bait, unfortunately. As I made my way upstairs, the hallways smelled like PISS, not pee but PISS. The smell was unbearable and by the time I made it inside, his double stacked mattress was on the ground along with all of his sneakers surrounding the bed. I refused to allow him to touch me so I left, IMMEDIATELY. Shortly after, I went to my homegirls house nearby and shared the story and her cousin happened to be there and she was alittle older than us. She recognized the persons name as I spoke about him and was like ” Girl that is not that mans car, he be borrowing his cousins car all the time. Don’t trust him”. He has yet to hear from me ever since.
I realized that alot of men are like this because their mothers have yet to teach them the true value of being a man. They allow them to grow up to be useless to women who require more than just dick and food and some are only good for dick usage, you border line have to bring a lunch box fucking with these kind of men. Why the fuck are men like this allowed to date? I personally feel like men should be taught to strive for the best version of themselves prior to pursing a woman. In my hoe days, I use to be invited to guys homes EASILY without much of my personal info needed which shows a lack of self love on both ends because why was I there but that’s besides the point ;). Looking back, I just wonder why don’t you want to get to know me before inviting me into your home? Well, it’s because some men don’t value their home as much as women do because to them, they know they know their mother will never push them out even if they do the bare minimum to live there. As opposed to women who have to cook and clean in order to prove their worth make sure that their mom doesn’t kick them out by the age of 18 because they’re “a woman now”. If men were challenged as much as women to be the best version of themselves it will allow them to get to know themselves and they’ll go about inviting others in their space from a more conscious perspective. I would love for young/old men to stop pursuing women who aren’t broken. And for the women who are broken, go find yourself first. Stop looking for a man to fix you until you fix yourself. Why date when you have trust issues? You have to learn how to trust yourself before you trust someone else. Trust the fact that you deserve to be loved, protected and cared for by someone who deserves all of you and your flaws. It’s fun to shit on men but it’s time to start being accountable for our own mishaps before shit goes left. It comes from a lack of self awareness to go for things that you want but you don’t value. We all want to be in a loving relationship but what happens when the other person doesn’t understand your definition of love/ your love language ? Then what ? Get to know you before you dive head first into somebody’s coochie/ballsack. You have to learn how to communicate your wants and needs effectively up front so you’re not left to wonder if the other person feels the same way about you, you’ll just know. Alot of times as women we allow men to mistreat us because we ignore and excuse the red flags and they be waving them right in our faces. Be vigilant of the things that don’t align with where you’re heading, It will save you the heartache in the end. Don’t be a victim be the prize 😜
A woman that values herself knows right from wrong, a man that values himself also knows right from wrong. When you are compatible with someone, your values don’t conflict; it aligns. When you begin to see red flags happening back to back, no matter how good the “vibe-dick” is, please run. Dating is supposed to be fun, you should never feel like you’re being cheated out of your time because you’re lonely. The dating game gets really old once you’re done playing the same games over and over, after a while you’ll be another addition to the block list and how many times can you do that before you realize you’re the problem. Be more intentional about the people you decide to invest in. Once you level up, your wants and needs begin to shift and you MUST be willing to swap out the things you once desired in order to gain things that are worthy of your precious time. Everything starts with the home, how these people grew up and what their example of love looked like. If the parents weren’t present to teach them how to be loving, they will only know how to survive and that doesn’t come with much stability. Seek those who enjoy stable, loving dynamics in a partner. That is a clear sign of someone that is going to communicate and show that they want to be with you for the long run. Avoid those who enjoy getting their ego stroked instead of being held accountable for their bullshit, you can always tell these kind of men by the way that they respond to deep questions that challenge their character. If they’re not able to respond directly without defense, run. Moral to the story, be very mindful of people who don’t want your love they just need something warm by their side. You’ll begin to attract more meaningful people who truly want to be with the whole version of you, in divine timing but until then continue to pour into your own cup and stay hydrated because the thirst is REAL.