Asking Women If They’re Pregnant When They’re Not? That’s Awkward!

“We’re not here to show you how to hide your rolls. We want you to look in the mirror and feel f*cking confident. I want you to able to look at yourself and say: ‘I love you, I want to treat you well, you deserve this.’” – @lizzo

Being a woman is harder than it looks. It’s more than being able to accessorize and glamourize your lifestyle to customize your aesthetic. It comes with a lot of challenges that many people don’t like to speak of because it’s often overlooked by society and surprisingly other women. In a world where you’d think that the women empowerment movement influenced other women to be more empathetic and more celebratory of other women, you thought wrong. Men have made comments about my body but it didn’t have the same impact as when other women said things, because men will never know how it feels to be in our shoes. I’ve encountered some of my worst interactions with other women shaming my natural skin, hair, and the most common topic is my body. Some women are able to maintain their youth body type up until pregnancy while others may experience weight gain due to various reasons. Weight gain can be cause by many things. It can be influenced by hereditary genetics, stress/depression, a possible miscarriage, or sometimes a bitch just wants to fuckin eat and be merry.

Within the last two years I’ve experienced gaining over 20lbs after the pandemic because I became less worried about keeping a figure to prove to others that I’m healthy and began truly living for me. I find that in the past, I’d be super conscious about how others would view me due to family members blatantly calling me FAT. For the first time, I stopped giving a fuck about how I’m being perceived but that also comes with challenges as well. Going from a size 2-10 has been an interesting experience because through it all I feel like I lived more than I have in the past 25 years. I’ve had to change my wardrobe around a few times to fit my body the way I’d feel the most comfortable and it was hard to let go of a lot of my favorite outfits but, I refused to size back down just to fit in them.

Encountering people that barely speak to me on a regular basis feeling comfortable to ask me if I’m pregnant on multiple occasions has made me feel less willing to be present on social media. The same people that will never comment on a photo where I’m happy and living life are the same people that feel comfortable sliding in my DMs sharing their remarks on my weight gain intentionally or unintentionally. I feel like people are so comfortable asking women if they’re pregnant whenever they see a little pudge and it’s insensitive and ignorant. Never in my 27 years of life have I asked a woman if she was pregnant when I saw a transition in weight because I know how it is just simply living. The unsolicited commentary has to stop because it’s getting to the point where women are becoming so desensitized to the struggles that women face without even realizing how detrimental it can be to their level of confidence.

The amount of complications that can occur during a pregnancy is only spoken on when it happens because of the unfortunate normalization of unplanned pregnancies. Society has made it such a casualty without considering how it can possibly effect your body. When women are ready to reproduce, we will. That shouldn’t be the standard or expectation. Women should encourage other women to look and feel good about themselves because it costs less for us to do so, as opposed to pushing us into becoming LIFETIME guardians when we’re not ready to take on that role yet. As a black woman, I find that it is socially acceptable to become prematured mother’s just to turn around and harbor post partum depression in silence. I refuse to put myself in that predicament, so I will continue to pour into my own cup until I’m able to reproduce and provide my child with the best experience that they DESERVE.

Please be mindful of how you speak to people about sensitive topics when you know nothing about their body.

In other news, Lizzo recently released a collaboration with Fabletics called “Yitty”and I decided to buy a few pieces because she has always been an advocate for women feeling confident and beautiful no matter what size they are. I was super pleased to receive my pieces and to see how good I felt wearing them. I think that this brand has the potential to be something great because it allows for women who has experienced body dysmorphia and body shaming to feel sexy. The need for more representation is necessary in this climate along with bringing awareness to real conflict that is causing a disconnect between women and embracing their bodies which I can easily point the blame on social media. Constantly coming across women who are apart of the BBL and liposuction club can play a role in how you view your body and it’s sad to see that the domino effect of plastic surgery. As a woman, we are conditioned to feel less than when we’re not a size 2 but it’s okay to embrace the changes that your natural body goes through. It’s not something that you should beat yourself up about, instead find a balance that works for you.

Your body will change based on your lifestyle choices and personally, working out isn’t something I enjoy so I’ve accepted the consequences of my decision. I don’t think you should spend your life obsessing over your size. When you’re ready to commit to a fitness lifestyle, you will lose the weight if you’re ready to do so. Women need to realize that commentary that doesn’t contribute to making other women feel good about themselves should be kept to themselves especially when it’s not something that you can help them with. Social media has blurred the lines between having a productive conversation and making commentary that’s just outright disrespectful.

Lizzo’s Watch Out for the Big Grrrls aired on Amazon prime video back in March and I feel like not enough people are talking about it. Since many of us are conditioned to consume toxic reality TV, it makes more sense that I haven’t seen any reviews or commentary surrounding this amazing production. I decided to tune in because I was curious to see what the outcome would be from the show. Lizzo is known to be that girl who can play multiple instruments, sing, and shake that ass. I’m so happy that she got the opportunity to host her own show in hopes of finding her new background dancers and I LOVE the concept.

Lizzo has found a way to create a healthy environment to merge a reality show and a dance competition with beautiful women who are competing to become a part of her entourage. Unlike Joseline HerBANDez’s Cabernet, the show is giving REAL woman empowerment. The show was filled with lots of twists and turns all through 8 episodes so I never knew what to expect. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know each cast member as they discussed their struggles with confidently navigating the world as plus size women. I find that the show was inspirational to other women who struggle with weight loss or those who are comfortable but still discriminated against in society.

Let’s face it, the world will never fully accept a confidant woman unless she a coke bottle shape but who gives a fuck ? I wish people would shut up about it and worry about things that concerns them instead, like their own health and wellness. It’s not your job to be the weight police if your intentions aren’t to help, and to be honest women who are boldly putting themselves out there don’t need help. We would like support, solidarity, and for women to shut the fuck up about OUR bodies. We want to feel empowered, sexy, and shameless no matter what size we are because it doesn’t impact you if we don’t fit your ideal image.

I’d love for society to get to a point where people are more self aware to filter out what is appropriate to say to others without possibly ruining the relationship dynamic. Having no filter is edgy but not the best approach to go through life, especially at the cost of other women’s confidence. Knowing the time and place is key and will allow for others to respect your opinion when it’s being asked of you. Allow women to be themselves shamelessly without commentary. Not everyone wants to get their body done, not everyone wants to fit the standard of the “bad bitch”, some women are validated by themselves and we don’t need your advice.

Affirm: My body is divine, my body is sacred, my body is my prized possession and it is perfect in its natural form.